I am not sitting on my porch with Mao this morning..
I am in Little Rock, Arkansas visiting my daughter. Breakfast this morning was a multi-generational, multinational affair. Skin colors ranged from my very white to dark brown and lots of shades in between. Ages similarly ran the gamut from 80’s to very young. I heard at least four different languages and I’m just guessing ten different nationalities were represented. We clothed ourselves in everything from tank tops to head coverings. Not bad for a sleepy southern town. I loved it. Laughter and smiles were the common language among everyone. Good will seemed to be the prevailing sentiment. I watched. I love to watch. Families, friends, and couples were all going about the business of breakfast. I was struck by the sameness within our differences.
Psychologists say that at our core we all have the same needs and experience the same fears (psychopaths excepted). It doesn’t matter where you live or what your culture. After basic physical and safety needs, we all want to feel loved and significant. And we fear anything that might bring the loss of that love and significance.
So if I could strip away the age, the clothes, the language, the skin, the sex, and look into each of the hearts sitting around me they would all look like mine. They would want food, clothing, shelter, and protection. They would want to be loved and accepted. They would want to feel like they mattered.
I think we might all cover our hearts up in different ways, depending on our culture, family, and experiences, and we probably have different strategies to get the love we want and avoid the rejection we fear. The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and each other would be different, but if we dug down we would find the similarity. I want to feel safe and full. I want to be loved. I want to be accepted as me. I want to matter and contribute.
If you’ve ever flown on an airplane you have heard the flight safety drill, “ In case of emergency an oxygen mask will drop down. Put on your own mask before attempting to help others.” Bet you can guess where this is going. But truth is truth, no matter where it happens to show up. I can’t love you until I love me. I can’t accept you until I accept me. So if I want to love better it has to start with me and then spread. This is not selfish contrary to what I, and perhaps you, were brought up to believe. It is a basic principle. I can’t give what I don’t have. So today, how will you care for your own heart? How will you give yourself safety, shelter, food? How will you give yourself love and acceptance? How will you feel the truth of your own significance? Just pick one small action today. I have a friend who say’s “You turn a ship one degree at a time?” The first is the hardest. What’s your one degree today? Mine is to write this blog (trusting that what I have to say is significant). And maybe I’ll take a nap later.
“…as I become a better caretaker of myself, I care better for everything.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathmach, Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy
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